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What I Am by ~Fudge-1:iconFudge-1:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


There is no mistaking who I am.
I am the creatures that lurk in the night,
I am the monsters that you try to fight,
I am the one you are trying to find,
I am the thing you must leave behind,
I am the light in the pouring rain,
I am the iron in prisoner's chains,
I am the spirit that now takes your hand,
I am your guide away from this land,
I am the darkness in tales of old,
I am the story which you never told...
©2005-2009 ~Fudge-1
:iconfudge-1:

Author's Comments

I thought of this on the way home from Hamlet ages ago, and wrote it down in my notebook, and now I post it. Not really sure what it's about... probably fairies...

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconabecedary:
~abecedary Dec 15, 2005, 2:36:27 AM
Accepting this poem for what it already is, I'll try and give you a few pointers:

"I am the one you are trying to find,"
^ This could be cut down to, "I am the one you try to find," in an effort to shorten and salvage the flow. Just a suggestion.

"I am the spirit that now takes your hand,
I am your guide away from this land,"
^ I also say just remove this segment completely: it's useless, to the point I made in the idea of your poem, and it just seems awkward.

I won't bother with your repetition or axiomatic conclusion, but I will say this has promise. You can just need a little work fixng up the basics and making it a little more rhythmic than it is now, you know?

--
Don't listen to me.
:iconmousewolf:
~Mousewolf Dec 15, 2005, 7:22:24 AM
Don't be mean...I loved it.

--
- Heaven can't take me and hell's scared I'll redecorate.

- Hyenas: The animal kingdom's answer to femenism.

1% of people actually enjoy reading useless statistics. If you're part of the other 99%, then don't copy and paste this ANYWHERE.
:iconfudge-1:
~Fudge-1 Dec 17, 2005, 12:29:56 PM
Erm, thanks... I think...

--
60% of statistics are made up on the spot.
:iconfudge-1:
~Fudge-1 Dec 17, 2005, 12:32:02 PM
Yay! *rushes forward and hugs Mouse* I'm very glad you do, because Fragment... consider reversing is one of my favouritest poems EVER. You know you and that poem at the start of Saving Wonderland? That's me and Fragment... consider reversing.
Callooh, Callay, and Thanks bubs!

--
60% of statistics are made up on the spot.
:iconabecedary:
~abecedary Dec 17, 2005, 4:05:35 PM
Sorry. I won't do it again. (?)

--
Don't listen to me.
:iconfudge-1:
~Fudge-1 Dec 20, 2005, 5:45:10 AM
No worries, kid. You said what you thought, and isn't that the whole point of a review? (Correct me if I'm wrong).

--
60% of statistics are made up on the spot.
:iconabecedary:
~abecedary Dec 20, 2005, 5:56:41 PM
Keep your futile superciliousness to yourself, please, especially at age fourteen, sport.

--
Don't listen to me.
:iconmousewolf:
~Mousewolf Dec 22, 2005, 3:47:44 AM
Gah...must...breathe...

--
- Heaven can't take me and hell's scared I'll redecorate.

- Hyenas: The animal kingdom's answer to femenism.

1% of people actually enjoy reading useless statistics. If you're part of the other 99%, then don't copy and paste this ANYWHERE.
:iconfudge-1:
~Fudge-1 Dec 29, 2005, 12:55:28 PM
Ooh, sorry. It's just a... what's it's ma called... colloquial? That's the bunny. Colloquial. I really didn't mean to offend.
And what's wrong with being fourteen? It's the age I have to be afore I can be fifteen.

Uffern... dyw'r pobl 'ma ddim hanner bigog...

--
60% of statistics are made up on the spot.
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